5 Uncomfortably Real Things No One Tells You About Your Twenties

Can we all agree that whomever was supposed to teach us about the twists and turns of life has failed miserably?

There is always a part of life that is learned by collecting experiences. I think we all agree that there are some things you cant necessarily teach. BUT there are definitely so many things I’ve come across in my twenties that someone could have told homegirl about (i.e. that my shorts were bunched up the the above picture).

Since I’m now at the ripe old age of twenty eight and will soon prepare to joyfully saunter out of my twenties, here are a few uncomfortable but totally teachable no one told me about being a twenty something:

  1. Facialhair. If you’re a girl, youcan expect a few uninvited whiskers on your chin, neck, and face. Hair prettymuch grows everywhere you don’t want it (I’m still waiting for my Pocahontashair growth journey lol.) I was in my Intro to philosophy class at UCF when Ifirst discovered my first whisker. As I listened to the lecture, cramped in one of those desks that has that small oblong table you’re supposed to fit your whole life on, I grazed my neck and felt something move. Naturally, I thoughtsomething made its way there while I was riding my bike to class in thescorching Florida heat. I went to brush it aside and it didn’t. Even writing this now, trying to find word to describe my shock and horror, is at thevery least difficult and a bit humorous. At the most is traumatic. Stunned, and not wanting to alert my classmates of the internal crisis I was now experiencing, I clenched my teeth and pulled out the hair right there. Needless to say, I wasn’t prepared. immediately I thought was the only girl who experienced this and walked to my dorm mourning my face because, of course, this meant I would need to reconsider my career path as a soon to be bearded lady (which never happened). I found out later that so many girls experience the same thing. Let this be a word to all women out there, it happens.
  2. Your body begins the long and drawn out war against you. As I’ve aged over the course of the past 10 years, I felt like my older friends didn’t stress enough that eventually I wouldn’t be a high school athlete who can triple jump 27 feet and eat 3,000 calories in a day while maintaining a flat stomach. At one point during my sophomore year, my knee started hurting daily. Here’s the catch, at that point I wasn’t doing anything athletic. There was no legitimate reason for it to be acting up. I was just living life. WHY DIDN’T I KNOW THAT LIVING LIFE AS AN ADULT ALSO MEANS INJURIES JUST MIRACULOUSLY SPRING UP LIKE WEEDS? (There should be a manual) I think I was more upset than anything else because I didn’t have a good story to tell when people asked how I was injured. I hadn’t earned that injury (I know this soundsridiculous; let me be in my feelings for a moment.) Now in my late twenties, ice packs have become a regular routine after any workout. Who knew?
  3. Everyone’s expectations for your life exponentially plummet every year after 25. Let’s get this straight, no one should be able to dictate how big your dreams for your life should be. But there is a marked difference in excitement when you announce that you’re hoping to be asuccessful fill-in-the-blank at 18 and again at 27. I will say, I’d rather be overlooked; it births the greatest surprises!
  4. The refund check is not for fun. As much as it feels like you’ve won the lottery after you receive your financialaid refund check, you didn’t. To be fair, my parents warned me about debt and tried to educate me about making smart decisions. The fruit of their efforts manifested when I didn’t immediately sign up for a credit card after my foot crossed the threshold of my college campus. But no one explained to me to exercise the same prudence with my financial aid. Thankfully I did well in high school and had many grants and scholarships to cover the majority of my classes. So, when my advisor told me I had $800 left over in financial aid, I didn’t question where it came from or how it got there. Instead, I envisioned an all-encompassing shopping spree at Forever 21 online and unlimited custom ice cream from theshop on campus. I found much out later, that additional money was from federal loans available to me; I was spending future Sophia’s money before she even gota chance to see it. Thankfully, now there are so many ways to get back into the green, however if I could go back, I would convince younger me to take only what she needed and not gorge on fast fashion trends older Sophia wouldn’t evenremember.
  5. Your mattress doesn’t magically replace itself after it’s run its course. Same is true for all the seemingly small details that you end up overlooking as a naive teen. In my mind, once my mattress was laid to rest in mattress heaven, I would be granted another, preferably Tempur-pedic. But then out of curiosity, I researched Tempur-pedic’s prices and now I’m not even sure if I need a mattress. I may adopt the Korean lifestyle and sleep on a mat on the floor.

From now on, let’s all agree to let a sister know whats ahead. Cause I expect to be fully prepared for my 30’s….kinda.

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