How Not to Flirt (As Told by Me)

Here we go again. Since I am the queen of dating fails, I figured I’d come to you with what I’ve learned over the course of my 27 years.

(Side note: at some point I’m going to run out of material to write about and will just have to go speed dating or something.)

You know that moment when you see someone and immediately your heart does this slight but significant jump? I’ve been there countless times. I like to refer to it as “the start of the most awkward moments of your life.” Most people say it a crush.

Going from crush to relationship doesn’t have to be hard, so I hear. It comes with a lot of flirting. Yet coming from someone who had only successfully done it once, I feel it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to speak to you Post Twenty-fivers on the “to-do’s” of flirting. Rather, I’m an expert at the inverse; I know exactly what you shouldn’t do. I’m hoping that by process of elimination, you’ll eventually bridge that gap of the early stages. Here are 7 ways NOT to flirt based off very real and personal experiences:

1. Don’t try to drink and talk at the same time. Finish the gulp, breathe then continue.
2. If you manage to strike up a conversation, don’t victory dance until you’re sure you and your girlfriends are in a safe location, away from the eyes of your crush.
3. Don’t try try to be coy with anything other than your words. That eyebrow thing is not gonna cut it.
4. Chew slowly. You don’t want to end up choking
5. While you’re crushing, for at least the foreseeable future, don’t wear that cute white blouse. Something will spill on it, trust me.
6. Don’t rush to apply those false lashes in hopes of being on time to whatever event you’ve positioned yourself to be at. Just be sure those suckers are securely fastened cause you never know when one might fall off and land in your crushes drink. (ok that one didn’t happen but I did have a lash hanging off my eye at some point.)
7. And last but certainly not least, don’t take yourself too seriously. You’re not picking your soul mate, you’re just genuinely trying to get to know someone. So have fun!