I am a very awkward person and often make people uncomfortable when they are around me. This I know.
All my life I have noticed that when people first meet me they are either super easy to talk to and we mesh well, or, the more popular reaction, they exchange a weird glance, awkward laugh, and shuffle to get away. I remember in 8th grade I was practicing with my band director on my solo for upcoming evaluations. As I was listening intently to his instruction, I could see him becoming increasingly more anxious just talking to me. As soon as the lesson expired, he let out a sigh or relief and wished me luck. I think that’s when I first aware of this pattern. I have no idea why I have such an effect on people but to counteract my inherent awkwardness, I learned to be very welcoming and smile at every person I meet. Apparently my social skills are non-existent.
I say all of this to come to this point; God likes making me uncomfortable. As soon as I start to grow comfortable with where I am or what I’m doing, he pushes one step further. I get increasingly anxious and my reaction is to laugh it off, ignore him, or scuffle away to tend to something else in my life with the hope that He will forget what He has asked of me. And the thing is, this happens all the time! It’s as if I spend my time making my life a paradise. I make it as comfortable as possible so I can relax. But God hasn’t called me to make my own Garden of Eden in this broken world. He has called me to get uncomfortable, get a little holy unrest, and go and claim souls in His name. I love what Christine Cain says, “The purpose of life is not to arrive at death safely.” We are here to go to the gates of hell and bring back God’s children. And in the same way Christ give me unrest; He is calling you to be unnerved, unsettled, uneasy, disconcerted, or whatever you’d like to call it, by this post. It’s my prayer that we take this idol of comfort, obliterate it and replace it with a passion to do the work we’ve been called with urgency.
So in true Sophie style, I hope I have made you uncomfortable.