Dating sucks. Guy or girl, its always a roller coaster of emotions once that initial crush settles in. Things that we didn’t notice before become our surest indication of his emotions. Or, a gentle nudge from her sends your mind into the “Does she like me?” hurricane. It has become such a complicated venture; so much so that there are shelves upon shelves in bookstores, always needing to be restocked, offering advice or the “10 steps to…” This Sunday I had a conversation with a friend of mine about dating, girls & guys, and such. He really helped me understand some things. I have been mulling over our conversation and really diving into what God thinks about all of this and here it is.
First let me say that I am not opposed to wise counsel. I believe that God places people into our lives in order to speak wisdom and bind it on the tablet of our hearts when we can’t, which for me is often. That being said I think christian girls have been brainwashed. Yes. There it is. We’re done here. No but in all seriousness, (yes that’s a word now) christian girls have been lead to believe in this system for dating that is absolute insanity. We are given wisdom and instruction but then take it and manipulate it to get the guy we want. Let me explain. Recognize these?
“Look for a man who is spiritually mature.”
“The male is the leader. He should peruse.”
“Guard your heart.”
“Once you are content, you will find the one”
“A woman must be so lost in God that a man must seek Him in order to find her”
There is nothing wrong with most of these statements; I could argue a bit on the last two one. Disregarding the last two (we’ll get back to those later) these phrases or concepts are biblical. They are based on wise principles and buttressed by the bible itself. Somewhere between the pages of that holy book and our lives these words get contorted into actions that really mess with the minds of our christian guys. We have christian girls carrying around a checklist of qualities, and if a potential sutior doesn’t have the spiritual maturity of Billy Graham, he’s out. “If he doesn’t make the first move he’s not a leader,” we say. The thing we don’t realize is we don’t give any outward clues of our emotions. We remain this emotional Rubik’s Cube in order to guard our hearts and that guy we’ve ruled out, may just be confused as to if there are any feelings on our part. We go one date with a guy and expect to know if he’s “the one.” Its absolutely ludicrous. And the aftermath of all these well planned schemes is confusion, hurt, and a bunch of BS that those guys have to deal with.
All of this stems for a desire for love. It comes from a place in our hearts which is made for relationships and that is not a bad thing. But can I be frank? If we believe God is all powerful and all knowing and wants whats best for us, then why don’t we press into him to weed out the maybes instead of doing it ourselves? Why do we play games, masking it behind wisdom we’ve distorted, and expect it to yield results? Yes, once in every 1000 times there will be a guy persistent enough to chase you despite all the road blocks and it will work out, but I urge you to be a little more sensitive to and protective of our men and how we affect them.
The thing is, behind every sound piece of advice about dating is someone so much greater. He’s standing knowing full and well that we turn to Him to satisfy our desire for a boyfriend or girlfriend and offers himself. He wants you to drop all of that crap you’ve been believing and get to know Him. He wants you to work on the relationship between Creator and created instead of trying to start one with Billy Bob. I think Louie Giglio put it best. A man shouldn’t need to search through some dense forest of devotion to find you. You should be so apparently in love with God you blaze through. So forget about what you want and come to the realization that God is the best of the best of the best and go for Him. And as you pursue He that is the best, there will be a day when you realize all your desires have been fulfilled.
“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4