People-pleasers Anonymous

Hi, my name is Sophia and I’m a people-pleaser. I have been for 21 years and have finally gotten up the nerve to confront it. I’m the person who likes to be liked. I’m the one pastors warn you about when getting advice. I’m characterized by pride, self-deception, the tendency to become over-involved in the lives of others, and the tendency to manipulate others to get my own emotional needs met. Being a people-pleaser has dangerous side effects. I bottle my feelings up to avoid conflict. When I cant hold them in anymore I explode with years of baggage strewn on the floor. I avoid talking about myself; that would force me to be introspective and confront my faults. Its a problem. This I know. I say all of this simply to bring me, and you readers, to this point; am I a God-pleaser? I don’t mean in the good way with a servant heart, but do I do the things that God commands to earn favor and value? 

We have been working on a self evaluation in my Christian ministry class to try to understand who we are, how we are built, and if we are suited for a lifetime of ministry. With the help of an enneagram test and countless weeks of introspection, I have been able to dig deeper into who I am which, when you really get down to it, sucks. As I dug deeper I began to wonder, have these habits snaked their way into my spiritual life? Many times I find myself trying to perfect my singing voice or trying to perk up my writing and somehow I convince myself that if I was just a little better, I would do great things for God. Its only by the hand of God slapping my face (like 16 times) that I’ve realized that Jesus, the son of God, is pleased with me. 
Jesus thinks I’m precious.
Jesus knows I’m worth it.
Jesus thinks my singing is beautiful even when I crack a note.
Jesus loves my writing, no extra shot of espresso.
Jesus is pleased with me
I think we all like to people please, its a part of our human nature. But using other people to draw our value and build our worth is manipulation and never fulfilling. Am I still a people-pleaser? Yes. But now I’ve ripped out the syringe that has been feeding me lies and I’m recovering the truth. The best thing about being a type 2 personality is that we are natural helpers. Now I can genuinely care for others without my own selfish needs clouding my intentions.
So with that I ask, “Is there anything I can do for you today?”

“You were bought at a price. Do not become slaves of human beings.” 1 Corinthians 7:23

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